Ballad of the Hamster, Part 1.06

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The Electrifying Rakanishu


"Look," Hamster II said, trying to conceal his annoyance for the
simple joint reasons that a) Akara seemed to have an infinite supply
of money and magical weapons, and b) there seemed to be no way he
could feasibly attack her, or get any of his posse to do so either.
"It's a ruby. Glitter glitter. Those cracks will wash right out. You
can't offer me two hundred for it. It's worth at least a million.
Okay, half a million."

"The last time anybody saw him, he was in the small village of
Tristram, before a great misfortune-"

"This has little or nothing to do with my ruby," Hamster II surmised.
"I'll tell you what. Three hundred thousand, and I'll throw in this
.... pebble."

"That's an el rune!" Fiona exclaimed. "How exciting! Can I have it?"

"Whatever," Hamster II tossed her the pebble, and she pressed it
proudly into the front of her studded leather armour.

"I'll put that to good use," she assured him.

"See that you do," Hamster II turned back to Akara, who had at least
stopped burbling about Deckard Cain, whoever he was. "Okay," he went
on, "I didn't want to do this, but I'll throw in Bitter Quill, and the
ruby, and this one which I think is a topaz or yellow glass - but very
expensive yellow glass, they don't make it like this anymore ... and
my stick, and ... you can have the golem, he'd be good at heavy
lifting. But I'll want a clear million."

"May the Sightless Eye watch over you on your quest."

"The Sightless Eye can stick my quest up its sightless eye," Hamster
II snapped. "How much will you give me for Bitter Quill?"

"One thousand, three hundred and seventy-three gold pieces."

"Oh," Hamster II glared at the crossbow, and then at Fiona, and then
at Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry and the golem. Of the six of them, only
the golem didn't grin and caper. The golem rumbled. Hamster II looked
back at Bitter Quill, and swore. "Okay, fine. How about I swap you the
ruby for a few quivers of crossbow bolts?"

"Deal. And here is your change," Akara, suddenly very helpful, handed
Hamster II a small palmful of gold and a bundle of crossbow bolts.
"May the Sightless Eye-"

"Yeah yeah."

"Would you like to get rid of your old wand and buckler?"

"How much-"

"One gold piece each."

"Yeah, whatever, why not."

"Will you be requiring scrolls or potions?"

"Are there any that I can use to drug Warriv and steal his wagon?"

Grumbling to himself, Hamster II wandered back over to the Waygate,
queasied himself through the battered old teleport system, tripped and
twisted his ankle on a dead Rogue, and stalked away across the Cold
Plains. His ever-growing collection of Barries, the as-yet unnamed
golem, and the ever-chirpy Fiona followed along behind, occasionally
diverting to attack the local fauna and flora. Hamster II found
himself hard-pressed, in spite of himself, to fault the golem's
strength or Fiona's skill with the bow. Many was the time a zombie
fell, dead again after such a brief holiday, pincushioned with arrows
and stomped flat at strategic locations by a huge pair of clay feet.

He left the Cold Plains, and entered the Stony Field. This was
amusing, in a bitter sort of way, because it was no warmer and, apart
from the weird ring of monoliths away in one corner, not a great deal
more stony either. Still, since stones seemed to be the point of it,
Hamster made his way towards the monoliths. There seemed to be some
sort of party going on around them.

Several questions answered themselves at this point. First and
foremost, as little as he liked it, Hamster II now knew who this
"Rakanishu" guy was that the little red midgets were always shouting
about. Only, the little red midgets in the Stony Field were in fact
little blue midgets, they were a bit tougher than usual, and the ones
having a party around the standing stones were even tougher still. And
they moved in fast-motion.

Other questions included "how good a shot am I with this bow?", "how
many little blue guys can my golem squash before he falls apart?",
"how much longer can I keep bringing back skeletons when there aren't
any bodies to do it from?", and "how am I going to tell Kashya that
her girlfriend's dead?"

Although the lattermost question, in retrospect, didn't have an
immediate answer, except possibly, "with a big smile." The rest of the
questions had unpleasant answers, and Hamster II ran away, brilliant
crawling spiders of lightning pulsing along the ground behind him.

After regrouping in the Cold Plains for a while, killing some vile
huntresses and assorted irritating life-forms and bringing his force
of Barries back to full strength, Hamster II was glad for Bitter
Quill's handy mana-adding feature, which he folded out of the
crossbow's butt and used several times when he thought it unlikely
anybody was looking. Then he had a brief think about it, and tried to
bring the golem back. It worked. The heavy yellow-brown thing
shouldered its way up out of the almost-black loam, as incongruous as
a human skeleton rising up out of a hedgehog.

"Mnurrrrgh."

"Yeah, you already said," Hamster II eyed the golem up and down
critically. "Do you have a name?"

"Muurf."

Hamster II, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry and Murph headed purposefully
back into the Stony Field, to do battle with the outrageously fast and
unpleasantly electrical Rakanishu. Hamster II stood well back and shot
bolts as best he could, and even managed to raise a couple of
skeletons from the bodies of Rakanishu's minions. He brought Murph
back, shot some more, and finally the storm of creeping lightning came
to an end. One of Hamster II's boots had melted slightly, and he had a
nasty tingling sensation in his left arm from the lightning bolts, but
a swig of 'potion' was enough to straighten him out. He was beginning
to suspect that most of Akara's 'potions' were in fact
industrial-grade alcohol from the still she had constructed in her
tent.

They stood for an obligatory moment over the crumpled body of Fiona.
Hamster II couldn't help but notice with muted hilarity that her
pigtails were standing on end from the electricity Rakanishu had
pumped through her.

The slightly-drunk necromancer cleared his throat.

"What can we say about a Rogue like Fiona?" he asked the grey,
uncaring sky.

Then they left.




C&J

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Beware of Trojans, they're complete smegheads.

- 13 & 13b of 12, the CMM Collective.
- www.afrj-monkeyhouse.org
 
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"~misfit~" <misfit61nz@hooya.co.nz> wrote in message
news:d3ff4s.3t8.1@fairground.synaptic.net.nz...
> Chucky & Janica wrote:
> > The Electrifying Rakanishu
>
> <Snip>
>
> Loved it! I'll have to hit Google soon and cut'n'paste them together.
>
> Well done.
> --
> ~misfit~


Yah, I've done that too. Getting to be a long story -- more! more!

Rod
 

sliver

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Jan 29, 2005
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Archived from groups: alt.games.diablo (More info?)

"~misfit~" <misfit61nz@hooya.co.nz> wrote in message
news:d3ff4s.3t8.1@fairground.synaptic.net.nz...
> Chucky & Janica wrote:
>> The Electrifying Rakanishu
>
> <Snip>
>
> Loved it! I'll have to hit Google soon and cut'n'paste them together.

LOL when you do make a text file and pass it round please? (adds splenda and
a cherry)

tagging in: to C&J love the barry/murph thing. Good thing I already finished
my coffee LOL

--
In a World Full of Insanity
Here I Stand.
Sliver
 
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Once upon a time - for example, Tue, 12 Apr 2005 03:27:46 +1200 -
there was this guy, or something, called "~misfit~"
<misfit61nz@hooya.co.nz>, and they made us all feel better by saying
the following stuff:

>Chucky & Janica wrote:
>> The Electrifying Rakanishu
>
><Snip>
>
>Loved it! I'll have to hit Google soon and cut'n'paste them together.
>
>Well done.

*takes a small bow with small boltcutters*

Thanks. More to come.




C&J

--
Beware of Trojans, they're complete smegheads.

- 13 & 13b of 12, the CMM Collective.
- www.afrj-monkeyhouse.org
 
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Once upon a time - for example, Mon, 11 Apr 2005 11:13:37 -0500 -
there was this guy, or something, called "Rod Runnheim"
<rodr@lmcg.wisc.edu>, and they made us all feel better by saying the
following stuff:

>Yah, I've done that too. Getting to be a long story -- more! more!

Bet you'll never guess the ending.




C&J

--
Beware of Trojans, they're complete smegheads.

- 13 & 13b of 12, the CMM Collective.
- www.afrj-monkeyhouse.org
 
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>
> >Yah, I've done that too. Getting to be a long story -- more! more!
>
> Bet you'll never guess the ending.

Hah, it's not the ending, it's the journey! Why else would I still be
playing this game......

Rod
 
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Archived from groups: alt.games.diablo (More info?)

Once upon a time - for example, Tue, 12 Apr 2005 10:19:51 -0400 -
there was this guy, or something, called "Sliver"
<SliverREMOVETHIS@personainternet.com>, and they made us all feel
better by saying the following stuff:

>LOL when you do make a text file and pass it round please? (adds splenda and
>a cherry)
>
>tagging in: to C&J love the barry/murph thing. Good thing I already finished
>my coffee LOL

Hee hee. Thanks. Now I have to come up with names for the rest of his
minions. If and when he gets them.




C&J

--
Beware of Trojans, they're complete smegheads.

- 13 & 13b of 12, the CMM Collective.
- www.afrj-monkeyhouse.org
 
G

Guest

Guest
Archived from groups: alt.games.diablo (More info?)

Once upon a time - for example, Tue, 12 Apr 2005 12:48:52 -0500 -
there was this guy, or something, called "Rod Runnheim"
<rodr@lmcg.wisc.edu>, and they made us all feel better by saying the
following stuff:

>> >Yah, I've done that too. Getting to be a long story -- more! more!
>>
>> Bet you'll never guess the ending.
>
> Hah, it's not the ending, it's the journey! Why else would I still be
>playing this game......

Good point. It must be something to do with runes.




C&J

--
Beware of Trojans, they're complete smegheads.

- 13 & 13b of 12, the CMM Collective.
- www.afrj-monkeyhouse.org