if i try 3000mhz with these sticks i get crashes and instability,
If you're happy to venture into the BIOS, dive into the Memory Timings and switch from 'Auto' to 'Manual'.
Locate the CL (CAS) Timing and "relax" the setting by one clock cycle.
If the current (Auto) setting at 3,000MT/s for CL(CAS) is 18, change the value to 19
on each memory module.
Save the amended settings and reboot.
Run a stress test or your game to check stability.
If the machine still crashes, return to the BIOS and increment the CL(CAS) value again, e.g. from 19 up to 20.
This slows down the RAM slightly, but allows faster XMP clock speeds. What you lose on the swings, you gain on the roundabouts.
I got some 3,000MT/s RAM to run on an AMD 2600X system by this method.
dropping that 100mhz seems to have broken the entire game
Your system must be "on the edge" if such a minor speed change makes such a big difference. Time for a new machine?