Would you guys get the 3090 or the 4070ti for 165$ more?
It completely depends on whether you think that $165 is worth DLSS3, lower power draw with half the VRAM. The performance itself should be comparable.
They're both a bad value when the RX 7900 XT is only $800. Having said that, if someone had a gun to my head and was telling me to choose, I'd choose the RTX 3090 because it has 24GB of VRAM while the RTX 4070 Ti only has 12GB. That's a gigantic difference in the amount of VRAM on the card.
That means the RTX 3090 will out-live the RTX 4070 Ti in the long-term because we've already seen games that max out 12GB and cause cards with less than that to suffer huge performance drops.
Therefore, I believe that the RTX 3090 is the better buy of the two.