There is a difference between what moderating teams discuss privately, and note as "lets pay attention to," and any formal tally mechanism, and I am talking about a formal tally mechanism.
I do know an awful lot about how this works, which is why I feel free to offer my perspective on what I perceive of as shortcomings in how the forums (generally the software) works.
I am entirely aware that my presence here, or on any forum, "is at the pleasure of the site owner," and that one must follow the rules. Those are givens.
On one forum where I moderated "warning points" were used and visible to the users. On another where I'm still moderating, no such mechanism exists, so the point is moot there. On that site we do pretty much what you describe here as far as notifying a given member either by PM to "cease and desist" or, at times, on the forum itself as giving a clear statement of "what doesn't go" is a valuable thing for any other part of the membership who's reading to see and make a mental note of.
But where no tally mechanism exists, there can be no presentation of that data to a user. Where it does, and if it's used, there can and should be. I just don't see how either of the preceding statements could be considered in the slightest way confrontational, but are just simply statements of fact and, in the "can and should be," educated opinion.