Archived from groups: rec.games.int-fiction (More info?)
Auden -- Well, that was short. Very short. So short that I didn't
really have time to do anything. What I saw seemed tidily written, if
whimsical. 6.
On the Cross -- The writing needs work. The dialogue in the opening
text has too few taglines for me to follow it easily; it swaps between
different ways of referring to the same people; and is stubbornly
vague about what is going on. The descriptions use metaphorical
language with abandon, and at its worst the effect is both florid and
confusing. ("Kenneth's lips oscillated" has to be one of the less
felicitous descriptions of facial expression I've read: I'm not sure
what it would look like, but I'm sure that it's hilarious. Which is
not, I think, the effect the author was going for.) Both dialogue and
descriptive prose could be cleaned up, but I think the author might
benefit from working with a book on conventional fiction techniques,
as I sense that there are interesting ideas here which he is not
expressing clearly.
A few moves in, I did something that seemed perfectly intelligent and
reasonable, and it resulted in my death. I would need a stronger
opening hook to be willing to put up with instant death actions.
(Note: the actual *plot* of the beginning, as far as I understood it,
is fine: being left in the desert to die would be a compelling
motivation to get myself out of there, assuming that I cared about the
character in the first place. Unfortunately, the prologue left me
extremely unclear on who I was, let alone what I was doing there and
why I should feel sympathy for my PC.)
This needs more controlled writing and better design to work for me.
2.
Herbalist/Runes -- Hm. Lots of comma splices. I am not as much of a
punctuation stickler as some, and I believe that there are times when
a comma splice can be justified as a stylistic choice, but here it
mostly comes across as sloppy. And then, whoa, the room descriptions
go away entirely and there's nothing to do but wander an undescribed
map picking up various plants, which seem to have no features aside
from their names.
This is not really an introduction; this is the unfinished
very-beginning of a game. Don't take this too hard, author: your idea
might be just fine. You simply haven't written enough of it yet for
me to tell. 1.
Jabberwocky -- This feels a little like "For a Change", or a more
accessible form of "Gostak", in that you spend a lot of your time
wandering around interacting with objects and creatures that don't
exist in our world. The envisioning is pretty well done, though, with
some neat imagery and a subtle sense of building menace. The
implementation is also pretty sturdy, and there are some nice touches
to let you know when you've made progress. I like using the poem as
both hint source and scoring system. Would I play more? Sure. 8.
Passenger -- Lots of little touches missing here. Line breaks are
erratic. Critical actions are underclued. You can search something
after you've taken it, but if you haven't yet taken it, >SEARCH THING
produces a misleading "Not useful." response. This might be going
somewhere good -- I feel moderately interested in the plot, but I
really don't quite have enough information to be deeply invested
therein. Still, if it does get made into a complete game, that game
will need to be more thoroughly tested than this entry, I think. 5.
A Bet's A Bet -- Pacing seems a little off. I didn't mind replaying
the scenario once or twice, but having to do so over and over in order
to take care of problems I had no way to anticipate... that was a
pain. Nor did I like having to examine the sleigh twice in order to
find out critical information about where the presents were. Spent a
while stuck on that one. And what's up with the trivia questions? I
mean, okay, they're fine, but they do interfere in my sense of
engagement with the game. I should confess, though, that I really
don't like the legend o' Santa very much, and feel something between
exasperation and deep weariness at trailers for kiddie Christmas
movies. This reminded me of that. Not the target audience, sorry. 4.
The Homework of Little Carl Gauss -- At the start I'm a little annoyed
by the aggressive railroading: it's pretty much impossible to do
anything during the first few moves, and any attempts to change that
are met with pretty flimsy excuses, such as "Not yet..." *Why* not
yet? Work with me a little here. And then it's all a virtual
reality, and I've seen that before, and why does our crewmate have to
be named Scotty anyway?
Things open up soon, and none of this is really damning, but I am not
feeling hooked. Sometimes I can't justify as well as I'd like why
something doesn't grab me. But this didn't. 3.
Auden -- Well, that was short. Very short. So short that I didn't
really have time to do anything. What I saw seemed tidily written, if
whimsical. 6.
On the Cross -- The writing needs work. The dialogue in the opening
text has too few taglines for me to follow it easily; it swaps between
different ways of referring to the same people; and is stubbornly
vague about what is going on. The descriptions use metaphorical
language with abandon, and at its worst the effect is both florid and
confusing. ("Kenneth's lips oscillated" has to be one of the less
felicitous descriptions of facial expression I've read: I'm not sure
what it would look like, but I'm sure that it's hilarious. Which is
not, I think, the effect the author was going for.) Both dialogue and
descriptive prose could be cleaned up, but I think the author might
benefit from working with a book on conventional fiction techniques,
as I sense that there are interesting ideas here which he is not
expressing clearly.
A few moves in, I did something that seemed perfectly intelligent and
reasonable, and it resulted in my death. I would need a stronger
opening hook to be willing to put up with instant death actions.
(Note: the actual *plot* of the beginning, as far as I understood it,
is fine: being left in the desert to die would be a compelling
motivation to get myself out of there, assuming that I cared about the
character in the first place. Unfortunately, the prologue left me
extremely unclear on who I was, let alone what I was doing there and
why I should feel sympathy for my PC.)
This needs more controlled writing and better design to work for me.
2.
Herbalist/Runes -- Hm. Lots of comma splices. I am not as much of a
punctuation stickler as some, and I believe that there are times when
a comma splice can be justified as a stylistic choice, but here it
mostly comes across as sloppy. And then, whoa, the room descriptions
go away entirely and there's nothing to do but wander an undescribed
map picking up various plants, which seem to have no features aside
from their names.
This is not really an introduction; this is the unfinished
very-beginning of a game. Don't take this too hard, author: your idea
might be just fine. You simply haven't written enough of it yet for
me to tell. 1.
Jabberwocky -- This feels a little like "For a Change", or a more
accessible form of "Gostak", in that you spend a lot of your time
wandering around interacting with objects and creatures that don't
exist in our world. The envisioning is pretty well done, though, with
some neat imagery and a subtle sense of building menace. The
implementation is also pretty sturdy, and there are some nice touches
to let you know when you've made progress. I like using the poem as
both hint source and scoring system. Would I play more? Sure. 8.
Passenger -- Lots of little touches missing here. Line breaks are
erratic. Critical actions are underclued. You can search something
after you've taken it, but if you haven't yet taken it, >SEARCH THING
produces a misleading "Not useful." response. This might be going
somewhere good -- I feel moderately interested in the plot, but I
really don't quite have enough information to be deeply invested
therein. Still, if it does get made into a complete game, that game
will need to be more thoroughly tested than this entry, I think. 5.
A Bet's A Bet -- Pacing seems a little off. I didn't mind replaying
the scenario once or twice, but having to do so over and over in order
to take care of problems I had no way to anticipate... that was a
pain. Nor did I like having to examine the sleigh twice in order to
find out critical information about where the presents were. Spent a
while stuck on that one. And what's up with the trivia questions? I
mean, okay, they're fine, but they do interfere in my sense of
engagement with the game. I should confess, though, that I really
don't like the legend o' Santa very much, and feel something between
exasperation and deep weariness at trailers for kiddie Christmas
movies. This reminded me of that. Not the target audience, sorry. 4.
The Homework of Little Carl Gauss -- At the start I'm a little annoyed
by the aggressive railroading: it's pretty much impossible to do
anything during the first few moves, and any attempts to change that
are met with pretty flimsy excuses, such as "Not yet..." *Why* not
yet? Work with me a little here. And then it's all a virtual
reality, and I've seen that before, and why does our crewmate have to
be named Scotty anyway?
Things open up soon, and none of this is really damning, but I am not
feeling hooked. Sometimes I can't justify as well as I'd like why
something doesn't grab me. But this didn't. 3.
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