[PW!] Insert Clever, Amusing Title Here

[Guest]

Archived from groups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon (More info?)

Phenac City is a really nice place. I mean, yeah, it's run by an evil
villain and all, but other than that it's practically paradise. And
one of the great things about it is that some random guy named Fred
who was tending the local Pokémart this day never had to deal with
lunatics.

Until today.

"Hold it right there, you!" came a voice from behind him while he was
trying to open a box of Potions. "Don't move, or I'll have my Pokémon
kill you!"

Fred, being reasonably intelligent, didn't move.

"Now turn around!"

"You just said not to move. Now you're telling me to turn around.
Which one do you want me to do?" Fred asked.

There was a pause. The owner of the voice clearly hadn't considered
this. "Uh... turn around and THEN don't move."

Fred obediently turned around... and then laughed out loud, because
floating on the other side of the counter was a Pokéball which
appeared to be perfectly ordinary except for the whole floating and
presumably talking thing. Next to it was a particularly-weak-looking
Pikachu.

"You dare to laugh at me?!" the Pokéball shouted, enraged. "I am the
great and powerful PK Ball, who fought GEODUDOO at Mount Moon, and
battled Luthor himself!"

"Did you win?" Fred asked, avoiding the more obvious question of "Who
the hell are GEODUDOO and Luthor?"

PK frowned, which takes great talent when one has no actual mouth.
"Well, not exactly, but the details aren't important. What is
important is that you IMMEDIATELY release all the Pokéballs you
intended to sell into slavery in this store!"

Fred breathed a sigh of relief. The request was strange, but it had
an obvious response that was much more normal than speaking to a
Pokéball. "Sir, we don't sell Pokéballs here."

"You need not fear retribution, as I ask only that--what?"

"We don't sell Pokéballs here. We don't stock them. We don't have
them."





"...oh. Well, could you direct me to a store that does, so I can
continue rescuing my Pokéball brothers?"

"Uh... actually, no," Fred said. "Since there are no wild Pokémon in
the Orre region, there's virtually no demand for Pokéballs. So there
are no stores that sell them."

PK was silent, then suddenly burst out with "There IS a Kurt!"

"What?"

"Nothing. But I've seen enough of the world to know that no matter
where you go, *someone* is abusing Pokéballs. Can you think of
anyone?"

Fred was about to answer "no", but then he thought of something.
"Actually, there's a group called Team Snagem. They use something
called a Snag Machine to turn Pokéballs into something called Snag
Balls, which they then use to steal Pokémon that have already been
captured in a Pokéball."

"The fiends!" PK exclaimed. "Forcing innocents to steal Pokémon from
their fellow Pokéballs! I'll kill them all! Come, my loyal servant,
we have work to do." He floated halfway to the door, then stopped and
turned around. "That's YOU, Stupid."

Ugly Overrated Stupid Useless Way-too-cute Idiotic Marketing Mascot
the Pikachu blinked, then obediently followed PK out the door.

*

On his way out of town, PK suddenly stopped. "Wait a sec. Didn't I
used to have a Paras at some point?"

Stupid stopped so he could consider this with all his brain cells
(yeah, all three of them). As a result, Dash the Athlete NPC Who
Always Runs Around In Circles tripped over him and landed on PK. He
promptly got back up and resumed running as if nothing had happened.

"Ouch," PK said as he floated back into the air. "Ouch," he said
again as Dash's Castform slammed into him, sending him flying off to
parts unknown.

"Pika pika?" Stupid asked the Castform, hoping to follow his
"trainer".

"Form," the Castform replied, promptly using Weather Ball to send the
Pikachu flying off to roughly the same parts unknown.

TBC

(No, I don't know how PK ended up in Orre. Maybe he "walked" there,
and that's why it's been so long since we heard from him. And maybe
he had to cross an ocean, and that's why his Paras is gone (the real
reason being that I forgot his name). Or maybe he used his Lazy
Writer Powers.)

 

[Guest]

Archived from groups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon (More info?)

Andrusi wrote:
> "Ouch," PK said as he floated back into the air. "Ouch," he said
> again as Dash's Castform slammed into him, sending him flying off to
> parts unknown.
>
> "Pika pika?" Stupid asked the Castform, hoping to follow his
> "trainer".
>
> "Form," the Castform replied, promptly using Weather Ball to send the
> Pikachu flying off to roughly the same parts unknown.

It was not too many days later that PK saw what would be firmly etched
into his nightmares for quite some time.

He had stumbled, it seemed on first glance, upon a pokemon trainers'
training camp. Although PK was too far away to understand the words
at first, and thought it a bit odd that most of the trainees were
themselves pokemon, he recognized his fellow pokeballs as each
trainee took one in a hand, paw, beak, or whatever, and as a few of
the pokemon trainees were carefully instructed to point the balls
away from themselves just in case.

And then...

"GO!"

The lack of screams bothered him the most. He knew it was because he
bretheren were tightly enclosed by what held them. Very tightly. Very,
*very* tightly.

He was utterly paralyzed from the moment he heard the first crack until
the last piece of the last mangled pokeball corpse hit the ground. Only
then did he even begin to tremble in anger.

They...these barbarians...no, even barbarians at least had a little
respect for life. From listening to the instructor's lecture, it became
quite clear that the subject was the complete and total genocide of all
pokeballs. The instructor preached that their mere existance was a
threat to the organization's ideals. He even claimed that one had
almost taken his daughter's life! The absurdity of it galled PK - when
had a pokeball ever killed? How could one? It simply was not
physically possible!

Which was about as far as he got before his extreme anger, having
alerted and acted as a homing beacon for a certain claydol, got him
picked up for questioning. Although he was securely locked away like a
weapon, winding up in his own miniature cage after resisting, for some
reason the guards thought Stupid was their target and interrogated him
for hours and hours. PK was grateful in odd moments; the way Stupid
walked when back in his jail cell between sessions, it looked like it
had hurt.

Besides, time alone in solitary just gave PK more time to plan his
revenge against Doppler and his Pokemon Rebellion.

TBC?