Archived from groups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon (More info?)
"So, how do I look?" Uli Yortsed asked.
"The same as before," answered Keith Renev. Uli hadn't changed clothes
at all--the only major difference between how she looked now and how
she'd looked five minutes ago was that she'd combed her hair. She'd
also taken off her Team Rocket Kids' Club button (carefully securing
this valuable possession to the inside of her pocket) and hidden
Crosswise's and Rook's Pokéballs in her backpack, but you'd never have
noticed if you hadn't known to look.
"Well, you look silly," Uli responded. Keith always looked silly,
actually, but at this point he looked particularly ridiculous, standing
in the middle of the woods on Route 1 wearing a suit and tie.
Especially with his long hair, which looked more like the result of a
failure to encounter a barbershop than an actual hairstyle.
But you don't give a damn about their hair, and so it's time to move
on.
"Hurry up and go," Keith said impatiently. "We need that Pokédex so
we can find Cyclonus and kill him and then eventually kill Andrew
O'Reilly also and help Voltorbkind triumph over the Magnemite
scourge--"
"TRODE!" shouted Scourge. He was, after all, an Electrode, and so was
quite naturally offended by the juxtaposition of "Magnemite" with his
name.
"Okay, okay, I'm going." Uli picked up her backpack and started
walking south, though from her point of view it was just "into town".
"Town" isn't a great word to describe Pallet Town, though. "Village"
might be better. Or maybe "block". It has what, like three buildings
in it? Anyway, since the town was so small, it wasn't hard for Uli to
find Professor Oak's laboratory, the traditional starting point for
Pokémon trainers in the Kanto region. Uli wasn't really a starting
Trainer, of course, but she was young enough to fake it. She entered
the building, ignored some scientists that were milling about, and
walked right up to the Professor himself.
"Hello, there!" Professor Oak said upon noticing Uli. "Glad to meet
you! Welcome to the world of POKéMON! My name is OAK. People
affectionately refer to me as the POKéMON PROFESSOR."
Uli thought it was odd that Oak kept randomly saying things in all
capital letters, and even odder that he didn't seem to be able to do
this with the letter E when it had an accent mark, but said nothing.
"This world..."
Oak cleared his throat.
"THIS WORLD..."
A scientist who had been sleeping on a nearby table woke up, grabbed a
Pokéball, and released a female Nidoran from it.
"As I was saying, this world is inhabited far and wide by creatures
called POKéMON," Oak continued, clearly under the impression that this
was a stunning revelation. He continued stating the obvious. "For
some people, POKémon are pets. Others use them for battling. As for
myself... I study POKéMON as a profession. But first, tell me a
little about yourself."
"Well, I--" Uli started, but the Professor cut her off with a question
she had definitely not expected to be asked.
"Now tell me. Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"
Uli just blinked. Surely he hadn't just asked what she thought he'd
asked. But there he was, standing there like the idiot he apparently
was, even holding up little pictures of male and female trainers as if
she might need a visual aid.
"I'm a girl," Uli said once she had decided that no, he was not
kidding.
"Let's begin with your name. What is it?"
"Uliok Yortsed, but my fr--"
"Right... So your name is ULIOK Y."
"What? Why are you including--"
"ULIOK Y! Your very own POKéMON legend is about to unfold! A world
of dreams and adventures with POKéMON awaits! Let's go!" Oak sighed.
"I hate that script."
"Script?"
"Yes. I'm required by law to read new trainers an introductory script.
Did you really think I couldn't tell you were a girl? Anyway. You
said your name was Uliok Yortsed?"
"Yeah," Uli answered, relieved to discover that she was not, in fact,
talking to an idiot. At least, not a *total* idiot.
"I'll need you to sign here... and here... and here... initial here...
sign here... sign this one backwards... initial here... sign here with
your left hand... sign here... here... here... and here. Oh, and here
too."
Uli looked up after a few signatures. "What are these for?"
"The first one is confirming that you asked to be admitted to the
Pokémon League Trainer Association," Oak said. "The rest are just the
usual stuff, agreeing that Pokémon training is a dangerous activity
and it's not the League's fault if you get hurt, maimed, permanently
handicapped, verbally abused, kidnapped, possessed or otherwise
mind-controlled, raped, tortured, drowned, shot, strangled, torn apart
by wild Houndooms, vaporized, eaten alive, electrocuted, crushed,
poisoned, paralyzed, frozen, burned, confused, put to sleep, attracted,
turned into stone, turned into a doll, turned into a Pokémon, sealed
in a stasis chamber for centuries, mildly annoyed, made to feel stupid,
or otherwise harmed as a result of your membership or related
activities."
Uli smiled. "Okay!" She finished the signatures.
"All right." Oak took the stack of forms.
"Do I get my Pokédex now?" she asked brightly.
"Not just yet," he answered. "First you need your starting Pokémon."
"But I already--" Uli caught herself. She didn't want to give away
what was really going on. "--uh, decided on one! I want, uh,
Squirtle!"
"Squirtle, eh? Are you sure?"
"What's wrong with Squirtle?"
"Nothing, but once you pick, it's permanent. And you'll never, ever,
ever be able to get either of the other two except by trading. So you
should pick wisel--"
Keith dropped in from above, which was odd because the room didn't have
a skylight or anything. "Just give her the damned Squirtle," he said,
then ran away.
Professor Oak watched the random person leave, then turned back to Uli.
"Uh... here's your Squirtle, then." He handed Uli a Pokéball. "Do
you want to give a ni--"
"*Now* do I get my Pokédex?" Uli interrupted, accidentally naming the
Squirtle "Now do I g" in the process.
"Yes." Oak handed her a Pokédex. "Whenever you see a Pokémon, the
Pokédex will download information on that Pokémon's name and
appearance, and where to find it. Catching a Pokémon will add more
inf--"
"Wait," Uli said, interrupting Oak again. "When I *see* a Pokémon?"
"That's right."
"So if I wanted to find out, say, where Electabuzzes live, I'd have to
find an Electabuzz somewhere first?"
"That you would."
Uli tried not to let her disappointment show. "Thanks," she said as
she ran out.
---
"So the Pokédex won't work?" Keith asked, to make sure he understood.
"It must be because of the Magnemites! They ruined our plan!"
"It'll work," Uli said. "We just have to find an Electabuzz first."
"Oh, *that'll* work. There are so many Electabuzzes running around
right here, you see." Actually there were--there was an Electabuzz
Trainers Convention having a meeting in the Ketchum family's
backyard--but Keith didn't know that.
"I know Lieutenant Surge has one. We'll just have to go to Vermillion
City."
Keith shook his head. "Wonderful. We're going all the way t--wait.
How'd you know that?"
Uli grinned. "Everyone knows the teams of the Gym Leaders! They're
cool!"
Keith sighed. "So how do we get to Vermillion?"
Rather than respond, Uli jumped onto Keith's back and clung to him.
Piggyback is still the favored mode of transportation for many
children, and in this case it had the added benefit of implying the
answer "Your problem, not mine."
---
TBC
---
-Andrusi &&
Sanity not include. That's right, include. No second D for you!
"So, how do I look?" Uli Yortsed asked.
"The same as before," answered Keith Renev. Uli hadn't changed clothes
at all--the only major difference between how she looked now and how
she'd looked five minutes ago was that she'd combed her hair. She'd
also taken off her Team Rocket Kids' Club button (carefully securing
this valuable possession to the inside of her pocket) and hidden
Crosswise's and Rook's Pokéballs in her backpack, but you'd never have
noticed if you hadn't known to look.
"Well, you look silly," Uli responded. Keith always looked silly,
actually, but at this point he looked particularly ridiculous, standing
in the middle of the woods on Route 1 wearing a suit and tie.
Especially with his long hair, which looked more like the result of a
failure to encounter a barbershop than an actual hairstyle.
But you don't give a damn about their hair, and so it's time to move
on.
"Hurry up and go," Keith said impatiently. "We need that Pokédex so
we can find Cyclonus and kill him and then eventually kill Andrew
O'Reilly also and help Voltorbkind triumph over the Magnemite
scourge--"
"TRODE!" shouted Scourge. He was, after all, an Electrode, and so was
quite naturally offended by the juxtaposition of "Magnemite" with his
name.
"Okay, okay, I'm going." Uli picked up her backpack and started
walking south, though from her point of view it was just "into town".
"Town" isn't a great word to describe Pallet Town, though. "Village"
might be better. Or maybe "block". It has what, like three buildings
in it? Anyway, since the town was so small, it wasn't hard for Uli to
find Professor Oak's laboratory, the traditional starting point for
Pokémon trainers in the Kanto region. Uli wasn't really a starting
Trainer, of course, but she was young enough to fake it. She entered
the building, ignored some scientists that were milling about, and
walked right up to the Professor himself.
"Hello, there!" Professor Oak said upon noticing Uli. "Glad to meet
you! Welcome to the world of POKéMON! My name is OAK. People
affectionately refer to me as the POKéMON PROFESSOR."
Uli thought it was odd that Oak kept randomly saying things in all
capital letters, and even odder that he didn't seem to be able to do
this with the letter E when it had an accent mark, but said nothing.
"This world..."
Oak cleared his throat.
"THIS WORLD..."
A scientist who had been sleeping on a nearby table woke up, grabbed a
Pokéball, and released a female Nidoran from it.
"As I was saying, this world is inhabited far and wide by creatures
called POKéMON," Oak continued, clearly under the impression that this
was a stunning revelation. He continued stating the obvious. "For
some people, POKémon are pets. Others use them for battling. As for
myself... I study POKéMON as a profession. But first, tell me a
little about yourself."
"Well, I--" Uli started, but the Professor cut her off with a question
she had definitely not expected to be asked.
"Now tell me. Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"
Uli just blinked. Surely he hadn't just asked what she thought he'd
asked. But there he was, standing there like the idiot he apparently
was, even holding up little pictures of male and female trainers as if
she might need a visual aid.
"I'm a girl," Uli said once she had decided that no, he was not
kidding.
"Let's begin with your name. What is it?"
"Uliok Yortsed, but my fr--"
"Right... So your name is ULIOK Y."
"What? Why are you including--"
"ULIOK Y! Your very own POKéMON legend is about to unfold! A world
of dreams and adventures with POKéMON awaits! Let's go!" Oak sighed.
"I hate that script."
"Script?"
"Yes. I'm required by law to read new trainers an introductory script.
Did you really think I couldn't tell you were a girl? Anyway. You
said your name was Uliok Yortsed?"
"Yeah," Uli answered, relieved to discover that she was not, in fact,
talking to an idiot. At least, not a *total* idiot.
"I'll need you to sign here... and here... and here... initial here...
sign here... sign this one backwards... initial here... sign here with
your left hand... sign here... here... here... and here. Oh, and here
too."
Uli looked up after a few signatures. "What are these for?"
"The first one is confirming that you asked to be admitted to the
Pokémon League Trainer Association," Oak said. "The rest are just the
usual stuff, agreeing that Pokémon training is a dangerous activity
and it's not the League's fault if you get hurt, maimed, permanently
handicapped, verbally abused, kidnapped, possessed or otherwise
mind-controlled, raped, tortured, drowned, shot, strangled, torn apart
by wild Houndooms, vaporized, eaten alive, electrocuted, crushed,
poisoned, paralyzed, frozen, burned, confused, put to sleep, attracted,
turned into stone, turned into a doll, turned into a Pokémon, sealed
in a stasis chamber for centuries, mildly annoyed, made to feel stupid,
or otherwise harmed as a result of your membership or related
activities."
Uli smiled. "Okay!" She finished the signatures.
"All right." Oak took the stack of forms.
"Do I get my Pokédex now?" she asked brightly.
"Not just yet," he answered. "First you need your starting Pokémon."
"But I already--" Uli caught herself. She didn't want to give away
what was really going on. "--uh, decided on one! I want, uh,
Squirtle!"
"Squirtle, eh? Are you sure?"
"What's wrong with Squirtle?"
"Nothing, but once you pick, it's permanent. And you'll never, ever,
ever be able to get either of the other two except by trading. So you
should pick wisel--"
Keith dropped in from above, which was odd because the room didn't have
a skylight or anything. "Just give her the damned Squirtle," he said,
then ran away.
Professor Oak watched the random person leave, then turned back to Uli.
"Uh... here's your Squirtle, then." He handed Uli a Pokéball. "Do
you want to give a ni--"
"*Now* do I get my Pokédex?" Uli interrupted, accidentally naming the
Squirtle "Now do I g" in the process.
"Yes." Oak handed her a Pokédex. "Whenever you see a Pokémon, the
Pokédex will download information on that Pokémon's name and
appearance, and where to find it. Catching a Pokémon will add more
inf--"
"Wait," Uli said, interrupting Oak again. "When I *see* a Pokémon?"
"That's right."
"So if I wanted to find out, say, where Electabuzzes live, I'd have to
find an Electabuzz somewhere first?"
"That you would."
Uli tried not to let her disappointment show. "Thanks," she said as
she ran out.
---
"So the Pokédex won't work?" Keith asked, to make sure he understood.
"It must be because of the Magnemites! They ruined our plan!"
"It'll work," Uli said. "We just have to find an Electabuzz first."
"Oh, *that'll* work. There are so many Electabuzzes running around
right here, you see." Actually there were--there was an Electabuzz
Trainers Convention having a meeting in the Ketchum family's
backyard--but Keith didn't know that.
"I know Lieutenant Surge has one. We'll just have to go to Vermillion
City."
Keith shook his head. "Wonderful. We're going all the way t--wait.
How'd you know that?"
Uli grinned. "Everyone knows the teams of the Gym Leaders! They're
cool!"
Keith sighed. "So how do we get to Vermillion?"
Rather than respond, Uli jumped onto Keith's back and clung to him.
Piggyback is still the favored mode of transportation for many
children, and in this case it had the added benefit of implying the
answer "Your problem, not mine."
---
TBC
---
-Andrusi &&
Sanity not include. That's right, include. No second D for you!
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