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4Ryan6

4Ryan6

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Apr 14, 2002
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An old woman goes to the grocery store to buy some cat food, when she gets to the cash register the store clerk tells her he cannot sell her the cat food, unless she can prove she actually owns a cat.

What? Why?

Because some elderly people will actually eat cat food which is bad, so we have to be sure you actually have a cat, so the woman goes back home, gets her cat and takes it to the store and the clerk sells her the Cat food.

The next day she goes back to the store to get her dog some food, and the same thing happens and she has to go home and get her dog, and bring it back to the store before he will sell her the Dog food.

The next day she comes to the store with a small box with a hole in it, she tells the store clerk to stick his finger in the hole, he is afraid and tells her she might have a trap, or rat, or small snake that could bite me!

She assures him there is nothing in the box that will bite or hurt you, so he sticks his finger in the hole and feels something mushy and squishy, pulls his finger out and looks at it with shock and disgust!

Then the old lady says, Now, Where's the Toilet Paper? :lol:
 
Solution
ex_bubblehead
Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.


A 'C', an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors here". So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second". An A comes into the...
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Here is one I recently learned:

A man and his buddy go out drinking to the local bar. They are ordering shot, after shot, after shot of the hardest alcohol the store has to offer.

The bartender is suprised to see the two guys in their cool state with such a large amount.

"What seems to be the occasion?" the bartender asks.

"Well, my buddy here just had a child...so, we're celebrating!"

"Well congradulations! What is it?"

The second man responds: "A boy. 20 pounds six ounces!"

"Christ! That's impressive!"

"Yeah, just like his old man...he's all dick."

Both the men leave after their night of fun.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
A week passes, and the bartender sees the man who just had a child walk in; looking depressed.

"Hey, aren't you the guy who had that kid last week? How are you and the baby doing?"

"Yeah, it's me. I'm fine. But my son...not so much."

"What happeded?"

"He lost 10 pounds."

"Whoa! Wha the hell happened!?!"

"Got hin circumsiced..."
 
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What is the difference between a baby and a taxi? A taxi goes to city by city and a baby goes to titty by titty.
 
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How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One because Germans are efficient and dont understand humor.

Why is it so hard to breakup with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
 
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Just one of the many hilarious C&H comics.

Cyanide+and+Happiness,+a+daily+webcomic-9.png
 
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Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.


A 'C', an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors here". So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second". An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight". The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development". This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
 
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Solution


for anyone without knowledge of some music theory that probably made no sense, but that was a good laugh for me :)
 
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