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MORTIMER GOTH, PLEASANTVILLE'S MOST REVERED RESIDENT, DEAD
Sim Times Herald - Mortimer Goth, the patriarch of the Pleasantville
District, died yesterday while painting a portrait of his granddaughter.
The news was received with grief everywhere where Sims congregate to
talk, go to the bathroom and woohoo.
His wife, Dina, reports that Mortimer died at 7:31PM last night, just
before supper.
"I went upstairs to see why he hadn't come down for his beloved
spaghetti and meatballs, and there was nothing there but an urn," she
said, in tears. "And a calling card from death. It just said 'Death'
on it. Not even a P.O. box. Now that's rude."
"It's a sad day for us here," said 17-year-old son Alexander. "There
was no one like dad. We'll miss his jokes, his laugh, his mumbling to
himself, his farts at the dinner table, followed by the laugh, the
mumbling."
Mortimer is survived by his second wife, Dina, his son Alexander, his
daughter Cassandra, his son-in-law Darren, his granddaughter Bella, and
his grandson-through-marriage, Dirk.
The whereabouts of Mortimer's first wife, the famous Bella Goth, remains
a mystery. Some say she is dead, though others believe she ran off and
still reappears occasionally.
"I saw Bella once," said Gilthrop Nifwip, who lives in Strangetown
nearby. "It was either Bella Goth or that bigfoot creature. Come to
think of it, it might have been Anna Nicole Smith. I admit I was
drinking heavily at the time. Home-made moonshine, so I was blind too.
But I could smell her. My wife took a picture. Unfortunately, she
stuck her thumb in front of the camera so you can't see nothing."
Mortimer was a retired scientist whose inventions include the
orgasmatron, submarines with screen doors, and a phonograph record that
plays any music you want just from your thinking about it.
"That would have made him really rich," said Dina, "But right then CDs
came in, so no one wanted it.
"We had high hopes for the submarine screen doors," said Cassandra, "But
although the Navy tried them on several vessels they said they never
heard back from the crew as to whether they liked it or not."
"I like the orgasmatron, however," said Alexander, on the conditin we
not mention it in this article.
Mortimer lived in the Sim Ciy area all his life, starting out in an old
gothic manor in Simville and then moving to Pleasantville after
retirement. But while many had fond memories of him, a few neighbors
say they won't miss Mortimer.
"He was a nutball, a wacko," said Coral Oldie, herself close to
Mortimer's age. "I grew up with him. He lived down the street from me
and kept stealing my dolls. I'd find them later tied to the clothesline
naked with honey on them. He was a real sicko.
"I told my daughter once, 'If you ever see him walking towards you, run
away and scream as loud as you can.' I think she did that a few times
before police say she was hit by a truck while running screaming in the
street."
A few people at Sim University remembered Mortimer Goth from the short
period he spent teaching a science class there and injecting mice with
Dr. Pepper and Old Spice.
"He was the classic absent-minded professor," said one, who did not wish
to be identified. "He got into this long philosophical argument with me
one day about whether the ringing of the bell meant the end of one class
or the beginning of another. He got violent. He grabbed me and dragged
me down on the ground and beat me until the police were called. Then he
beat up the cop."
A memorial service will be held this Sunday at 11 o'clock at the chapel
for the Holy Moly on Wright Circle. The family asks in lieu of flowers
to give a home to one or more of Mortimer's pet laboratory mice, who the
children say they are no longer able to care for.
--
--Cuth
MORTIMER GOTH, PLEASANTVILLE'S MOST REVERED RESIDENT, DEAD
Sim Times Herald - Mortimer Goth, the patriarch of the Pleasantville
District, died yesterday while painting a portrait of his granddaughter.
The news was received with grief everywhere where Sims congregate to
talk, go to the bathroom and woohoo.
His wife, Dina, reports that Mortimer died at 7:31PM last night, just
before supper.
"I went upstairs to see why he hadn't come down for his beloved
spaghetti and meatballs, and there was nothing there but an urn," she
said, in tears. "And a calling card from death. It just said 'Death'
on it. Not even a P.O. box. Now that's rude."
"It's a sad day for us here," said 17-year-old son Alexander. "There
was no one like dad. We'll miss his jokes, his laugh, his mumbling to
himself, his farts at the dinner table, followed by the laugh, the
mumbling."
Mortimer is survived by his second wife, Dina, his son Alexander, his
daughter Cassandra, his son-in-law Darren, his granddaughter Bella, and
his grandson-through-marriage, Dirk.
The whereabouts of Mortimer's first wife, the famous Bella Goth, remains
a mystery. Some say she is dead, though others believe she ran off and
still reappears occasionally.
"I saw Bella once," said Gilthrop Nifwip, who lives in Strangetown
nearby. "It was either Bella Goth or that bigfoot creature. Come to
think of it, it might have been Anna Nicole Smith. I admit I was
drinking heavily at the time. Home-made moonshine, so I was blind too.
But I could smell her. My wife took a picture. Unfortunately, she
stuck her thumb in front of the camera so you can't see nothing."
Mortimer was a retired scientist whose inventions include the
orgasmatron, submarines with screen doors, and a phonograph record that
plays any music you want just from your thinking about it.
"That would have made him really rich," said Dina, "But right then CDs
came in, so no one wanted it.
"We had high hopes for the submarine screen doors," said Cassandra, "But
although the Navy tried them on several vessels they said they never
heard back from the crew as to whether they liked it or not."
"I like the orgasmatron, however," said Alexander, on the conditin we
not mention it in this article.
Mortimer lived in the Sim Ciy area all his life, starting out in an old
gothic manor in Simville and then moving to Pleasantville after
retirement. But while many had fond memories of him, a few neighbors
say they won't miss Mortimer.
"He was a nutball, a wacko," said Coral Oldie, herself close to
Mortimer's age. "I grew up with him. He lived down the street from me
and kept stealing my dolls. I'd find them later tied to the clothesline
naked with honey on them. He was a real sicko.
"I told my daughter once, 'If you ever see him walking towards you, run
away and scream as loud as you can.' I think she did that a few times
before police say she was hit by a truck while running screaming in the
street."
A few people at Sim University remembered Mortimer Goth from the short
period he spent teaching a science class there and injecting mice with
Dr. Pepper and Old Spice.
"He was the classic absent-minded professor," said one, who did not wish
to be identified. "He got into this long philosophical argument with me
one day about whether the ringing of the bell meant the end of one class
or the beginning of another. He got violent. He grabbed me and dragged
me down on the ground and beat me until the police were called. Then he
beat up the cop."
A memorial service will be held this Sunday at 11 o'clock at the chapel
for the Holy Moly on Wright Circle. The family asks in lieu of flowers
to give a home to one or more of Mortimer's pet laboratory mice, who the
children say they are no longer able to care for.
--
--Cuth
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