- May 18, 2012
- 43
- 7
- 18,535
This tale reminded me of the way I imagine the gurus on here:
“One fine day, while attempting to work, I got the call we’ve all gotten. Mom was in an absolute tizzy because her computer didn’t work. Agh.
My retired mom loved to Click All The Things, as moms do, and had gotten one of those viruses that lock your computer for “security violations” or something, with a dire warning to call “Microsoft” at the number provided.
Sadly, she actually called the number and listened to the pitch in broken English. Happily, once the guy at the other end started demanding a credit card number, she finally got suspicious and hung up (despite her mortal fear of appearing “rude”) and called me.
However, she had recently moved to a farm several miles from her remote ancestral village, at least four hours away from me, and there was no way this was something I could coach her through without tears on both sides.
Man, I would give $100 to get out of this predicament… and thus the light dawned.
Me: “Mom, on the tiny road to your remote village, there should be a little house with a sign outside saying ‘COMPUTERS’ or ‘COMPUTER REPAIRS’ or something like that. Do I guess correctly?”
Mom: “Um, yes, I’ve seen something like that…”
Me: “Good, there’s one in every village, even yours. Okay, here’s what you need to do. Take your laptop, along with the power adapter, to this house tomorrow morning. Inside that house will be a man with a large beard.”
Mom: “Wait. How do you know he has a beard?”
Me: “He will have a beard; trust me. The bushier the better. Anyway, give this man your computer, tell him exactly what happened, and ask him to fix it.”
Mom: “Oh, gosh, I’m so embarrassed…”
Me: “That’s okay; he’s heard it before. But it’s very important that you do not lie to this man. Answer his questions, if he has any. If you don’t know, that’s fine; just say you don’t know. He will probably seem a little gruff and grumpy, but don’t worry about that. He will grunt and tell you to pick it up in a day or two.”
Mom: “He sounds mean…”
Me: “No, he’s not mean. Just, um, well, that’s how the best computer people are sometimes. He’s probably not really a people person.”
Mom: “Oh, like your father was.”
Me: “Uhh, yeah. Anyway, pay the man with the beard — it will probably be about $100 — and then follow his instructions. He’ll install software to make sure this doesn’t happen again, so make sure you read and do what it tells you.”
And lo, dear readers, so it came to pass, exactly as predicted in every detail.
Tiny house, gruff man, wildly majestic beard, $99, and all. Mom had her computer back in a day or two with a clean Windows install and a decent antivirus installed. Mine was not the only Mom in the village who clicked All The Things.
Even better, she returned to Beard Guy when she needed other help and followed his advice when it was time to upgrade.
Thank you, bearded man.”
“One fine day, while attempting to work, I got the call we’ve all gotten. Mom was in an absolute tizzy because her computer didn’t work. Agh.
My retired mom loved to Click All The Things, as moms do, and had gotten one of those viruses that lock your computer for “security violations” or something, with a dire warning to call “Microsoft” at the number provided.
Sadly, she actually called the number and listened to the pitch in broken English. Happily, once the guy at the other end started demanding a credit card number, she finally got suspicious and hung up (despite her mortal fear of appearing “rude”) and called me.
However, she had recently moved to a farm several miles from her remote ancestral village, at least four hours away from me, and there was no way this was something I could coach her through without tears on both sides.
Man, I would give $100 to get out of this predicament… and thus the light dawned.
Me: “Mom, on the tiny road to your remote village, there should be a little house with a sign outside saying ‘COMPUTERS’ or ‘COMPUTER REPAIRS’ or something like that. Do I guess correctly?”
Mom: “Um, yes, I’ve seen something like that…”
Me: “Good, there’s one in every village, even yours. Okay, here’s what you need to do. Take your laptop, along with the power adapter, to this house tomorrow morning. Inside that house will be a man with a large beard.”
Mom: “Wait. How do you know he has a beard?”
Me: “He will have a beard; trust me. The bushier the better. Anyway, give this man your computer, tell him exactly what happened, and ask him to fix it.”
Mom: “Oh, gosh, I’m so embarrassed…”
Me: “That’s okay; he’s heard it before. But it’s very important that you do not lie to this man. Answer his questions, if he has any. If you don’t know, that’s fine; just say you don’t know. He will probably seem a little gruff and grumpy, but don’t worry about that. He will grunt and tell you to pick it up in a day or two.”
Mom: “He sounds mean…”
Me: “No, he’s not mean. Just, um, well, that’s how the best computer people are sometimes. He’s probably not really a people person.”
Mom: “Oh, like your father was.”
Me: “Uhh, yeah. Anyway, pay the man with the beard — it will probably be about $100 — and then follow his instructions. He’ll install software to make sure this doesn’t happen again, so make sure you read and do what it tells you.”
And lo, dear readers, so it came to pass, exactly as predicted in every detail.
Tiny house, gruff man, wildly majestic beard, $99, and all. Mom had her computer back in a day or two with a clean Windows install and a decent antivirus installed. Mine was not the only Mom in the village who clicked All The Things.
Even better, she returned to Beard Guy when she needed other help and followed his advice when it was time to upgrade.
Thank you, bearded man.”
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