Dear Hammer,
I think your finish is really nice. I've never seen a hammer quite like you, and I love the tattoo. I'm glad you're into carpentry, cause there is a ton of stuff I need fixed in my house. Maybe you can come by and give me a hand maybe bang a little? I like to hammer in all kinds of noisy places. I bet the neighbors like it.
Tits McGhee
PS: What are you hiding in that handle?