SOOOO!!!
BIG UPDATE!!!
Last night I got fed up. I finally got my new matching DIMMS from my G.Skill RMA. I did a CMOS reset, plugged them in, and hoped for the best -- thinking maybe it was still a RAM issue.
NOPE! Still wouldn't turn off.
So I gutted the whole system. I did that screwdriver trick (which was cool, lol). I had just my mobo, CPU, and PSU plugged in with NOTHING else but the CPU and PSU fans. No front panel connectors, no RAM, no NOTHING. Using the screwdriver trick... I'd turn the mobo on, then hold it to turn it off... and it would STILL RESET!
So today I went out and bought a new PSU and mobo, figuring ONE of the two had to be bad. OZS GameXtreme 600W and DFI LanParty Utlra-D nf4.
I was SURE it was my mobo, but I plugged the new PSU in for kicks.
And guess what? IT FREAKING WORKED. IT TURNS OFF.
I'm almost weeping with joy. Such a simple problem. And the sad part is I've known for MONTHS that I skimped on my PSU, but never really thought -- or knew -- it could/would cause this much trouble.
The GameXtreme is SLICK. Nice cabling, solid design, and... most importantly -- it works, lol.
Never even had to unwrap the DFI board.
I guess my problems -- going all the way back to my CTDs, failing RAM in Memtest, and ultimately/finally my automatic restarting troubles -- probably all stemmed from the bunk PSU.
Thanks all to your suggestions and advice.
FANBOY -- GO BUY A NEW PSU AND DUMP THAT ANTEC

I'D STRONGLY RECOMMEND THIS OCZ UNIT.