I've finally found a solution to this that ACTUALLY WORKS. Well, until I restart obviously but then I just do it again, so not exactly a fix. But nothing on the internet worked for me and I was NOT about to create a new user account and migrate my Onedrive stuff
It's a long story how I narrowed it down to this particular service being a problem, it was mostly by chance, but here it is I restart the "Update Orchestrator Service" from within services and everything works perfectly
1. Open Task Manager - either right-click task bar or ctrl+alt+del -
2. Click file - Run new task
3. Type in "services.msc" and click the checkbox that says "Create this task with administrator privileges"
4. Click OK
5. Find the service called "Update Orchestrator Service"
6. Right Click it and press restart
Hopefully I can find out exactly what is causing the service to create these issues but this works for me 100% of the time.
For what it's worth I think Popcorn Time may have had something to do with it. I uninstalled it ages ago but it left behind some update files in Appdata Local and Roaming. It was still trying to access the web somehow