My wife's a bit stricter on this idea than I am, but I'm mostly with her. We'll have lots of stuff, but lots of control over it...
- Computer use only under supervision (lessening with age), strictly controlled admin and Internet privileges, logged activity, router based controls, and notifications anytime they're attempted to be circumvented. For legitimate uses (school) access will be uninhibited, but monitored, and a strict white-list of approved websites will be maintained. For other uses (social), thats pretty much not going to happen as it exists online today, and the only online content they'll be publishing is through our family site, not a 3rd party service, and not through their own personal accounts. When we feel they're mature enough (sometime in high school), these restrictions will lessen, as they prove they can handle it. It will be revoked without question anytime we feel its being abused. Gaming will be approved only for games we personally install for them, only if they have no pending school work, and when they've not been grounded from it otherwise, with caps on how much time they play. ALL computers in the house will work only in public areas of the house, no computers in bedrooms at all, and no wireless access so it's easy to maintain that rule. If they're given a laptop by their school for use in school, it will be only for that, and we'll ensure though periodic checks it's not been hacked or bypassed in any way, and they'll use our home computers for everything else. We'll have no shortage of computers or software, but its USE will be far more strictly monitored than TV for sure. Each kid will have their own user account, and they'll be as locked down if not more than what i am here at work... they'll be taught programming, computer use, maintenance, and more, and computers will be integral parts of their lives, but we won't have them bounding about blindly on the net, nor installing software we don't approve (especially illegal licenses, or illegal sharing software). Again, to clarify, privileges will increase with age, maturity, and trust, that idea itself is INTEGRAL to our parenting model. If they can't earn trust, they have no desire to be trustworthy.
- Cell phones: Not until they have a drivers license, and even then highly restricted use. We'll keep a basic "emergency" phone active for the family until then, so when they're traveling without us (with other adult supervision assumed), we'll have a way to contact them. An emergency phone will only be capable of calling my number, my wife's, another emergency family number, and 911. Their friends will not have access to their personal phone number. They will have no text plan, Internet access, or other services, and it will not be a camera phone. They'll borrow one of our real cameras if they need to take pictures of something. Hopefully by the time our kids can drive, there will be phones that self-lock when in motion, so they absolutely can not be used while driving, however, i suspect by then the phone will be integrated, not hand held, so that should not be an issue anyway. They will not have a phone at school, period. We can call the office if we need them, and they should not be calling anyone from the school. The school can easily contact us for them if its an emergency. As for phones in the home, as it was with my parents, they'll initially only be usable in common areas, and they'll have no phones in their bedrooms period. If they need to have a private conversation, they'll have to ask permission, and bring a phone into their room. Again, late in high school years, and as they prove their maturity and trust, restrictions will lax, but they'll never have their own personal phones under our roof as many kids seem to enjoy (and get in trouble with) today. Phone use (and basically all forms of social conversation, online, gaming, etc) will be the first thing taken away as a punishment/grounding. If they want to socialize, we'd much prefer they meet in person and play, preferably outdoors. If they've not gotten enough between school, sports, and play, there should really be no "private" conversations left to have, at least until they begin dating openly (my personal nightmare).
TV: only during family time, or when all homework and chores are complete. We'll DVR what they want so they don't miss shows they care about, so this should not be as much of an issue as it was when i was young. We have 2 family rooms, and a game room in the house which will have TVs, so they don't have to watch what we watch when we're watching it, outside of family time when we insist we're all together to "hang out" (typically movie night or something), but their bedrooms will not have TVs. Most computers they have access to will also likely have TV features. We're not content nazis, but we will take care to ensure the younger kids are not improperly exposed to what is generally considered improper. R movies are generally fine for 13 year olds in most cases, but not 8 year olds without rare exception. I'd sooner keep them away from reality TV than a violent movie personally. The wife and I love horror and fantasy, so as soon as they're old enough to handle it, they'll have as much as they can stand. Nudity is not an issue either, so long as it's tasteful, and when they're mature.
e-readers: only if they only read books, and do not otherwise provide access to things/services/content we otherwise control, but i really see little need; we have half a library already in the house, well over 400 hardcovers, and I buy about 5-6 books a month. Reading material will never be in shortage for our children... Access to TV is more about TV being a privilege of use (are your chores done, etc) that something I care to monitor the content on. 10-15 years from now, this may be an unavoidable technology, and so long as we can keep them from playing games and watching TV in solitary confinement in their rooms, and stay social within the household, I'm not objectionable to PEDs.
Hand held "gadgets": like gaming systems, etc. We'll have them, but like their laptops,e-readers, and other devices, not in their rooms without permission, and they'll be shared between all the kids not owned by any one of them.
Music devices: pretty much open on this one. This is one of the few devices I don't mind if they have in their room. They'll certainly have their own music collections on a central home server. This is a device easily taken away however. Probably won't let them take them to school until late middle school, if not later, and only consistent with school policy, but we have no problem with iPods. Really the only reason we want to restrict TV in their rooms itself has more to do with ease of grounding them when necessary (computer, TV, phone, Pad, radio, game system, its a lot to unplug and take away, and its also EXPENSIVE to give each kid their own personal stuff like that...)
Game consoles: We have a room dedicated for that, with a TV hookup and couches. A room specifically for them to gather with their friends and play while hopefully leaving the wife and I in peace... What games they play should be easy enough to control on more modern systems, and time spent gaming will be monitored (not strictly, but we'll be aware of the time invested). This is something quickly taken away when grounded. They'll have no lack of access to play time, so long as their work is done and they've behaved (and keep the rougher games away from the little ones).
Cars: strictly and only for transportation to and from school functions, a job, and errands we send them on. At no point until they graduate school will they ever be transporting friends with them in a car, and they won't be in a car with anyone under 21 driving, unless its explicitly for a school/sport function, and there's no alternative available. Back and forth to friends houses when they have permission to do it, and on approved dates may be permitted, but not transporting their friends or hitching rides. Their cars WILL be tagged with GPS (as well as their phones). The kids will be firmly aware that they're being watched and being trusted to drive safely and go only where permitted. ANY violation of our trust by not going where they're supposed to be, transporting friends, using a device while driving, excessive/distractive use of a radio (they'll no have booming radio systems!) etc, and their driving privileges, including to/from school will be quickly revoked without mercy. While I'm paying for the insurance, this will not be negotiated. They will continually feel LUCKY to have a car at all, if they even get one of their own, and half their life's efforts will be building up to earning one. It will be a used car. It will not be flashy. It will be safe and reliable. They'll care for/clean it like it's made of solid gold. They'll might even take it with them when they go to college (if the school permits it/if it makes sense).
Bedrooms are for sleeping, and for quiet reading, and sometimes for studying though we have 2 desk areas in the house not including the kitchen and dining room for them to study at, so they should not need to do so in their room. We have a game room for entertainment for the kids, and 2 living rooms in addition to that. They'll have a wealth of gadgets to play with and entertain themselves. The idea here is to simply keep their play time monitored, limited, and to encourage in-person play and imaginative play more often than gaming on online socialization. The older they get, the more freedom they earn (unless they prove otherwise). We do NOT want to restrict their access to learning or imagination in any way. We're not strictly religious either and have no particular objections to content other then highly sexual or overly violent content (and diminishing appropriately with age).
We are not trying to stop them from having fun. We're not trying to stop them from having lives of their own. We're simply raising them with a strict sense of responsibility and control. They'll be borderline spoiled if they're well behaved, but everything they get will be earned or deserved on some level. Never will they get something simply because their friends all have one, and they'll never get something because they scream to have it. They'll always have everything they need however, so long as we're capable of providing it. they'll also have not only a comfortable allowance, but we're instilling savings and planning from day 1, so they'll not only have a small amount of impulse money, but they'll be saving for those big purchases too. As long as they can keep their grades up, they'll be allowed to have jobs as well (in fact, it will be expected at least during the summer, if not year round), though we'll try not to have them working through college if we can manage it.
- Computer use only under supervision (lessening with age), strictly controlled admin and Internet privileges, logged activity, router based controls, and notifications anytime they're attempted to be circumvented. For legitimate uses (school) access will be uninhibited, but monitored, and a strict white-list of approved websites will be maintained. For other uses (social), thats pretty much not going to happen as it exists online today, and the only online content they'll be publishing is through our family site, not a 3rd party service, and not through their own personal accounts. When we feel they're mature enough (sometime in high school), these restrictions will lessen, as they prove they can handle it. It will be revoked without question anytime we feel its being abused. Gaming will be approved only for games we personally install for them, only if they have no pending school work, and when they've not been grounded from it otherwise, with caps on how much time they play. ALL computers in the house will work only in public areas of the house, no computers in bedrooms at all, and no wireless access so it's easy to maintain that rule. If they're given a laptop by their school for use in school, it will be only for that, and we'll ensure though periodic checks it's not been hacked or bypassed in any way, and they'll use our home computers for everything else. We'll have no shortage of computers or software, but its USE will be far more strictly monitored than TV for sure. Each kid will have their own user account, and they'll be as locked down if not more than what i am here at work... they'll be taught programming, computer use, maintenance, and more, and computers will be integral parts of their lives, but we won't have them bounding about blindly on the net, nor installing software we don't approve (especially illegal licenses, or illegal sharing software). Again, to clarify, privileges will increase with age, maturity, and trust, that idea itself is INTEGRAL to our parenting model. If they can't earn trust, they have no desire to be trustworthy.
- Cell phones: Not until they have a drivers license, and even then highly restricted use. We'll keep a basic "emergency" phone active for the family until then, so when they're traveling without us (with other adult supervision assumed), we'll have a way to contact them. An emergency phone will only be capable of calling my number, my wife's, another emergency family number, and 911. Their friends will not have access to their personal phone number. They will have no text plan, Internet access, or other services, and it will not be a camera phone. They'll borrow one of our real cameras if they need to take pictures of something. Hopefully by the time our kids can drive, there will be phones that self-lock when in motion, so they absolutely can not be used while driving, however, i suspect by then the phone will be integrated, not hand held, so that should not be an issue anyway. They will not have a phone at school, period. We can call the office if we need them, and they should not be calling anyone from the school. The school can easily contact us for them if its an emergency. As for phones in the home, as it was with my parents, they'll initially only be usable in common areas, and they'll have no phones in their bedrooms period. If they need to have a private conversation, they'll have to ask permission, and bring a phone into their room. Again, late in high school years, and as they prove their maturity and trust, restrictions will lax, but they'll never have their own personal phones under our roof as many kids seem to enjoy (and get in trouble with) today. Phone use (and basically all forms of social conversation, online, gaming, etc) will be the first thing taken away as a punishment/grounding. If they want to socialize, we'd much prefer they meet in person and play, preferably outdoors. If they've not gotten enough between school, sports, and play, there should really be no "private" conversations left to have, at least until they begin dating openly (my personal nightmare).
TV: only during family time, or when all homework and chores are complete. We'll DVR what they want so they don't miss shows they care about, so this should not be as much of an issue as it was when i was young. We have 2 family rooms, and a game room in the house which will have TVs, so they don't have to watch what we watch when we're watching it, outside of family time when we insist we're all together to "hang out" (typically movie night or something), but their bedrooms will not have TVs. Most computers they have access to will also likely have TV features. We're not content nazis, but we will take care to ensure the younger kids are not improperly exposed to what is generally considered improper. R movies are generally fine for 13 year olds in most cases, but not 8 year olds without rare exception. I'd sooner keep them away from reality TV than a violent movie personally. The wife and I love horror and fantasy, so as soon as they're old enough to handle it, they'll have as much as they can stand. Nudity is not an issue either, so long as it's tasteful, and when they're mature.
e-readers: only if they only read books, and do not otherwise provide access to things/services/content we otherwise control, but i really see little need; we have half a library already in the house, well over 400 hardcovers, and I buy about 5-6 books a month. Reading material will never be in shortage for our children... Access to TV is more about TV being a privilege of use (are your chores done, etc) that something I care to monitor the content on. 10-15 years from now, this may be an unavoidable technology, and so long as we can keep them from playing games and watching TV in solitary confinement in their rooms, and stay social within the household, I'm not objectionable to PEDs.
Hand held "gadgets": like gaming systems, etc. We'll have them, but like their laptops,e-readers, and other devices, not in their rooms without permission, and they'll be shared between all the kids not owned by any one of them.
Music devices: pretty much open on this one. This is one of the few devices I don't mind if they have in their room. They'll certainly have their own music collections on a central home server. This is a device easily taken away however. Probably won't let them take them to school until late middle school, if not later, and only consistent with school policy, but we have no problem with iPods. Really the only reason we want to restrict TV in their rooms itself has more to do with ease of grounding them when necessary (computer, TV, phone, Pad, radio, game system, its a lot to unplug and take away, and its also EXPENSIVE to give each kid their own personal stuff like that...)
Game consoles: We have a room dedicated for that, with a TV hookup and couches. A room specifically for them to gather with their friends and play while hopefully leaving the wife and I in peace... What games they play should be easy enough to control on more modern systems, and time spent gaming will be monitored (not strictly, but we'll be aware of the time invested). This is something quickly taken away when grounded. They'll have no lack of access to play time, so long as their work is done and they've behaved (and keep the rougher games away from the little ones).
Cars: strictly and only for transportation to and from school functions, a job, and errands we send them on. At no point until they graduate school will they ever be transporting friends with them in a car, and they won't be in a car with anyone under 21 driving, unless its explicitly for a school/sport function, and there's no alternative available. Back and forth to friends houses when they have permission to do it, and on approved dates may be permitted, but not transporting their friends or hitching rides. Their cars WILL be tagged with GPS (as well as their phones). The kids will be firmly aware that they're being watched and being trusted to drive safely and go only where permitted. ANY violation of our trust by not going where they're supposed to be, transporting friends, using a device while driving, excessive/distractive use of a radio (they'll no have booming radio systems!) etc, and their driving privileges, including to/from school will be quickly revoked without mercy. While I'm paying for the insurance, this will not be negotiated. They will continually feel LUCKY to have a car at all, if they even get one of their own, and half their life's efforts will be building up to earning one. It will be a used car. It will not be flashy. It will be safe and reliable. They'll care for/clean it like it's made of solid gold. They'll might even take it with them when they go to college (if the school permits it/if it makes sense).
Bedrooms are for sleeping, and for quiet reading, and sometimes for studying though we have 2 desk areas in the house not including the kitchen and dining room for them to study at, so they should not need to do so in their room. We have a game room for entertainment for the kids, and 2 living rooms in addition to that. They'll have a wealth of gadgets to play with and entertain themselves. The idea here is to simply keep their play time monitored, limited, and to encourage in-person play and imaginative play more often than gaming on online socialization. The older they get, the more freedom they earn (unless they prove otherwise). We do NOT want to restrict their access to learning or imagination in any way. We're not strictly religious either and have no particular objections to content other then highly sexual or overly violent content (and diminishing appropriately with age).
We are not trying to stop them from having fun. We're not trying to stop them from having lives of their own. We're simply raising them with a strict sense of responsibility and control. They'll be borderline spoiled if they're well behaved, but everything they get will be earned or deserved on some level. Never will they get something simply because their friends all have one, and they'll never get something because they scream to have it. They'll always have everything they need however, so long as we're capable of providing it. they'll also have not only a comfortable allowance, but we're instilling savings and planning from day 1, so they'll not only have a small amount of impulse money, but they'll be saving for those big purchases too. As long as they can keep their grades up, they'll be allowed to have jobs as well (in fact, it will be expected at least during the summer, if not year round), though we'll try not to have them working through college if we can manage it.
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