Tom's Hardware Giveaway - Fallout 4!

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Walk out, squint, dodge w/e radiation mutated beast that is lying in wait, by some feat of amazingness kill said animal with my fists, loot the creature and find 2 caps (don't ask where they came from), explore, search a building and find some horrible but new-to-me clothes, explore, search another building and find some more mutated things, loot them for more caps, explore, search yet another building and find a slightly working weapon..... you get the idea. Rinse and Repeat until something storyline happens.
 
Emerging from my home, my Vault, I search far and wide for a gun & ammo, tracking my steps from my home, The Vault. Upon finding a weapon, I explored, seeking for food and shelter. Walking around, I found some old cans of beans, and chowed them down. Suddenly my PTSD triggered to a memory earlier in life with me chanting "Beans Beans the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot. The more you toot, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more you eat!" Once the traumatizing moment concluded, my adventures resumed. Where I took notes of landmarks and possible places to explore. I enjoyed the fresh air. Miles later, I saw a building displaying a strong, buff man with long, luscious locks of a dirty yellow (?) hair, flowing freely in an imagined wind. A corroded sign said "DCMP", although it appeared that "DCMP" was not originally what the sign said. With closer inspection of the building, a broken, fallen sign read "LORIOU." This building was not an ordinary one I could tell. It brang comfort, security and prominence. It felt like a recognizable home. I approached the main entrance and knocked. A man answered, with the question of "Why did the console pheasant cross the road?" At that moment, a clicking happened in my brain. DUH. The sign used to say "GLORIOUS PCMR" and the man has white hair, not a dirty yellow! My heart exploded with joy of my new found home, and with much excitement I recited "To render the building on the other side!" I was let in, to a view of beautiful, powerful computers. I shall conquer, I thought....

Edit: Grammatical errors corrected, or cleaned up.
 
SO, I would erupt from the Vault in a Chuck Norris style rage, roundhouse kicking all life until I had subdued the perimeter! As I bellowed my rage at finding a ruined world around me I would no doubt summon a deathclaw through the sheer furiosity of my bellows. He would challenge and try to kill me, but I would thwart his rage and confuse him by cutting off my own arm. I would use it to do what no other life form had been able to accomplish. Using it to alternately slap him in the face and with a combination of roundhouse kicks and feedings from pieces of my arm, I would train it to only follow me and my arm treats. It would turn on me, so I would cut off the deathclaw's arm and sew it onto my body. This would establish dominance and I would ride the beast as my one-armed apocalypse steed.
Taking my death steed into the city I would locate my dog, Barky, and teach him to battle with lasers on his back. We would then go on to form a despotic monarchy with my dog as the figurehead to confuse would-be assassins. We would put his name on the money which would be called Barkleys.
I would charge 4 Barkleys a day to all visitors to the city, New Barkensonsville. This would allow me to finance my deathclaw fighting arena business which would keep my subjects sated through watching the combatants ride their deathclaws in a race/jousting match to the death.
I would then build a hot air balloon in the shape of the Pip boy and ride it all over the country declaring my reign and bringing my subjects together in New Barkensonsville. After I had triumphantly returned to my city to find my dog Barky had grown jealous and usurped my throne, I would be forced to revolt against him myself and slay him in manly 1on1 dog vs human combat with a brutal roundhouse to the spleen.
My tears of sadness at the betrayal would form a river named 'Canine Affliction' which I would sail down to seek my fortune elsewhere. Where men are men and dog's don't betray their masters. I would leave the deathclaw in charge. He would rule with one-armed wisdom for the rest of his days.
That would be the end of the first day... After that things get really crazy.
 
I would probably start by streamlining the crazy road signs in the city. Probably benefiting nobody, but its something to do while collecting robot parts.
 
I think I would have to firstly, hope not to get killed straight away, then try and find a crew of crooks, they can be raiders or what not, again hoping to not get killed, gain trust. Kill them all in their sleep.
Muhahaha. Leave, sell everything get a house and settle down with a wife and kids.
 
I would look to my pregnant partner and say

"Belated steps dawn our jaunt.
With wary gaits we ploy hand in hand.
In you I trust to cradle our fortunes,
Coining a future in our inherited sands.
We must parlay our devotion to smother the jitters.
All things must end and love ends with fallout."
 
Immediately after exiting the vault I would:

1. Sit and cry.
2.Cry some more.
3.Pee and Poop. (It's been a while, because Charmin)
4. Go back in vault.

10/10 Would play again!
 


I do not know why the vault would be encoded with 80 bits...
(unlikely 604462909807314587353088+ vaults exist)
 
I don't know what I would do, but I would never:
a) give you up
b) let you down
c) run around
d) desert you
e) make you cry
f) say goodbye
g) tell a lie
h) hurt you
 
The first thing I would do .. probably be amazed of the "outside" world. I would go searching for water and food as well as friendly survivors.
 
After emerging from the vault, I would journey out to collect as much scrap metal and other materials as I could. My first realization would be that there were others out there that need my help, after all they had been exposed to, and I had spent this entire time in the protection of the vault. I would craft small portable containers with multiple small holes in the top with a lid that could be placed over top with extreme precision and craftsmanship that would allow the contents to be shaken, and I would hand one out to everyone I met. I would return to the vault each night with great satisfaction knowing that I could help others in need. Let's face it, they all needed somewhere to put all that salt.
 
The vault door has just opened... I am blinded by the light as I have been captivated in this "lair" for so long now...

My eye's begin to adjust to the lighting and I start to see the devastation and destruction, it baffles me at first but then I begin to realise what my father was telling me all this time. I take my first step out of the vault onto this well very soft soil, no planets, no weeds of course...

This place is an utter wasteland.

I have now successfully left the vault and am now ready to investigate the outside, my intentions are clear.

I must look for:

- Food / Water
- Shelter

But there is one thing specifically I must find. Simply put a snowball. Ahh the snowball, such as a nice piece of food. This is my mission and it begins now.

My mind has been set, ignore the things that I should be looking for and look specifically for snowballs, but there is another thing on my mind.

I must find my brother, I received numerous e-mails via the droid in the vault from my brother saying this.

---------------------------------------------------

28/06/3016

Hey brother!

You have got to help me!

I'm gay and these people from the enclave are after me! Please help!

-------------------------------------------------
After reading this e-mail particularity I was so worried for my brother, even though I despised him (as you would) he is still my brother and so this is my second objective, to find my brother and make sure he is safe.

I know this is pretty long-winded but I just left "isolation" after being in a vault for god knows how long, I'm gonnna be thinking and talking a lot with all of the stimuli in my face!
 
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