Archived from groups: uk.rec.shooting.game (
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"Andy www.ukrabbiter.co.uk" <andy@ukrabbiter.co.uk> wrote in
news:36i4eqF5370kcU1@individual.net:
> I was in fits of laughter reading this
>
> J Craggs wrote:
>> Derry Argue wrote:
>>
>>>How is it dogs know a postie?
>>>
>>>As student, I used to do Christmas relief work. There were
>>>two collies on my route. One would get in front and the
>>>other behind -- and that was me! Stuck! Until the owner
>>>came out and called the dogs off. And all I had was the
>>>bag and an arm band.
>>>
>>>At another house, I was given instructions to put the
>>>letters through the door -- but to hold on tight. I soon
>>>discovered why!<vbg>
>>>
>>>Derry
>>
>> Seriously off-topic here, Derry, but did it go
>> something like this..
>>
>> The 'Dog Dangling' Season.
>>
>> The dog dangling season (December/January)
>> is nearly upon us again. Around this time every year
>> the postman can look forward to enjoying his annual
>> fix of dog dangling. A non-contact, low risk sport.
>>
>> Equipment required:
>>
>> 1) One door with high level letterbox (low
>> boxes are for the closely related sport of pooch
>> pulling).
>>
>> 2) A long, narrow, but tough envelope
>> (typically about two feet long, such as that
>> containing a calendar).
>>
>> 3) One of those irritating dogs that jumps up
>> and grabs at the post, scaring you sh*tless on
>> half-asleep mornings.
>>
>> (Envelopes made from vitek or similar
>> super-tough material are particularly favoured by
>> dog dangling adepts.)
>>
>> Method:
>>
>> Approach door whistling or scuffing to arouse
>> dog. Fumble at letterbox to further infuriate the
>> damned creature.
>>
>> Keeping a firm grip on your end of the
>> envelope insert other end just enough for dog to get
>> an equally firm grip. Begin see-saw action.
>>
>> The dog will *not* let go. Small dogs are
>> best, Jack Russells being particularly
>> enthusiastic participants, as they can be lifted and
>> lowered several times before the calendar shreds.
>>
>> If the owner is out and you have a 'Vitek'
>> envelope the tug of war can last several minutes.
>> You will probably tire long before the dog. If the
>> owner is home they soon become suspicious upon
>> spotting 'Rover' repeatedly banging his head against
>> the letterbox.
>>
>> Newcomers to this sport will be amazed how
>> hard a small dog can pull. Tough old tom cats will
>> sometimes play the same game (once) but they learn
>> faster than dogs.
>>
>> Warning: Not a game for the faint-hearted
>> or squeamish! Keep a firm grip, otherwise your
>> knuckles will be seriously smashed against the
>> outside of the letterbox!
>>
>> *****
>>
>> (Coming soon - the illicit and less
>> friendly 'Lovelace Technique' for dealing with truly
>> anti-social canines.)
>>
>> *****
>>
>> Gyppo
>>
>>
>>
>> John Craggs - Writer - Adult Tutor - Storyteller
>> and All-Round Rogue
>> Need a laugh? Then subscribe to the free Monday Silly
>> Digest: mail to: gyppo1@ntlworld.com With 'MSD SUB' as
>> subject.
>
>
>
That's the one! So you've been a postie in Torquay, then??<g>
There used to be a sheepdog at Bayhead on North Uist which spent
all day waiting for the unwary motorist. Then, at the last split
second, it would shoot out from a gateway and attack the
driver's side wheel of the passing vehicle.
Cripes! That damned dog nearly put me off the road the first
time I encountered it! Worse than the jets around here that zoom
over at zero feet convincing you that the engine has just fallen
out. VERY scary!!
This damned dog and I had a war. Every time I passed the spot I
seemed to be in deep thought and his totally unexpected
onslaught invariably had me swerving across the road in a most
dangerous manner.
Then some bright person suggested opening the driver's door at
the critical moment. Now that sounded a bit drastic but I
finally decided to fix the b*st*ard. So I did it.
Well, that (I convinced myself) was that. Not a bit of it. Next
day the dog was there again, just a bit more cautious. I know
other islanders were trying the same ploy. Well, someone must
have scored a hit because the dog switched sides and would only
attack the passenger side wheel!
It took a few more weeks before someone got his passenger to
open his door. But the dog just got more cunning and even more
bloody dangerous -- if that was possible!
I left the island soon after and heard later that it had finally
got run over. I'm sorry to say that it was not before time. How
it did not cause a serious accident, I do not know. But no one
can say it didn't have an exciting life, even if it was a bit
short!
Derry
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