You need to get a watercooler..but instead of using water use ethyl glycol which will transfer heat more readily. OC that pupply by 1 Ghz and let the good times roll.
Or
You could drink a lot of beers and then have an all night fragfest and see how slow it feels when you're drunk. Or smoke a bunch of weed and then play Myst. That'll make for a slow computer...and then when you wake up from your drug induced haze, everything will seem UBER FAST!!
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<b>I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman! </b> <i>Homer Simpson</i>